Walking through the elementary school cafeteria carrying her lunch tray; a short and very round, third grade girl’s journey of fluctuating self-worth painfully started. Before she carried her tray very far another student in sixth grade, spit their mouth full of food at her, shouting at her to “lick it up, fatty”.
That very round, short girl was me.
Forty three years have passed and it is still hard to revisit that destructive incident without a slight tear. It caused me to doubt my self-worth.
I know, I am not the only person who has suffered ridicule regarding weight. Or questioned self-worth because of a number on a scale, or because of something derogatory that someone said. At times, I would receive praise from others and my self-worth would go up, only to plummet again when someone else belittled me.
If you find yourself in these lines, I hope you’ll join me on this journey as I share with you…a way up and out! A way that leads to healthier, steadier emotions.
Right now, my weight is at an all-time high, but so is my self-worth. I can’t say this enough; I trusted God to heal those broken, hurt places where for years other people stomped on and all over me (and occasionally still do) He wants to do the same for you. I hope you haven’t become comfortable with your pain but instead are longing for a way out. Our God can heal every broken place if you’re willing to let him.
It was hard to admit, that I was hurt and angry. Not only at my trespassers but, at God for allowing people to treat me this way. It’s okay to have honest, angry conversations with God. Yes, he already knows but, there is freedom in speaking openly and honestly out loud, to him. You may need to dig deep to find the root of your pain but, it will be worth it.
When the honesty comes out; your eyes, ears, and heart will start to open. This is when HIS love for you starts pouring in. The healing, peaceful, accepting love of a heavenly father towards his precious child. When you allow yourself to believe you are precious to HIM, you are one step closer to realizing your worth. There’s a whole book written telling us of his love for us, it’s called the bible.
1John 3:1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
Next, comes understanding why. Why, people do and say the awful things they do. And understanding free will. God, will not manipulate us like puppets. We all have the free will to act and think on our own. Sin and darkness unfortunately, live inside even those we love, allowing them to be abusive. These aren’t just empty words, I promise; when you can understand and accept why people are the way the are you, will have freedom, your self-worth will become more steady.
And lastly, I cannot repay evil for evil anymore. In the past when I sought revenge no one else suffered except me. Truly, changing my focus from, what they did wrong, to what I can do right, makes for good sturdy self-worth.
Even though, physically you feel better, look better and move better at a smaller weight your self-worth should not come from the number on the scales. Your self-worth should not come from the dollar amount in your bank account, owning a home, having a family, or from a string of great accomplishments or compliments. Your weight will always fluctuate, your circumstances will always be changing, and some people will always be mean. It’s up to you, whether you let them dictate your self-worth any longer.
Knowing and keeping a good strong sense of self-worth is a journey, one you don’t have to make alone…accept God’s love, seek out good counsel, attend a support group. You will enjoy the freedom that comes from healthier, more stable, less fluctuating emotions.
I am still on this journey, and I hope you’ll join me!
Here is a valuable resources for the journey: anyone with hurts, habits or hang-ups! http://www.celebraterecovery.com/